Have you already had to collaborate with someone who constantly disagrees with you, or with someone who has the uncanny ability to summon a heated argument out of thin air, or maybe with someone who seems bent on undermining your work? With up to 5% of the population deemed as "difficult people", we’re bound to meet them over and over again. Every workplace has its seven dwarves, and not all of them are as funny at the office as they are in a fairy tale. We can’t just ignore or get rid of them therefore we have to manage them.

Note that this issue applies whether you are in management or not. Top-down authority is overrated and will not help much when dealing with difficult people (the only exception being if you are at the very top).

Compared with other people-related issues, coping with difficult people stands out because the problematic behaviour is not associated with a particular topic or situation, but comes from personality. Since there is not a well-defined problem to solve, traditional conflict resolution techniques are of little help. It’s more like a collection of pervasive, grinding, irritating habits that’s inflicted on close colleagues.

Typical problematic behaviours of difficult people include:

• Aggressiveness, arrogance, condescending, judgmental and opinionated attitude.
• Irrationality: even conventional logic doesn’t get through. There simply is not common ground for discussion.
• Nagging: continuous unasked-for remarks about petty details.
• Stubbornness and excessive pride, leading to the inability to accept comments and to collaborate in a team.
• Playing solo, trying to exclude you of everything they do.
• Trying to get involved in everything you do, acting as supervising your work.
• In contradiction with all of the above, constantly emphasizing the importance of professionalism, communication, flexibility and so on (remember the saying "the wise never says he's wise"), therefore rationalizing their behaviour as being for the good of the team/project/organisation.

You might wonder how these people are still around. First, they behave much smoother when they have a larger audience. Their behaviour is not obvious to casual observation. Second, and perhaps more importantly, their behaviour often borders on professional misconduct but never quite gets there. There is always enough ambiguity in order for an observer to give them the benefit of the doubt. Moreover, their behaviour tends to affect only things that do not leave records, such as discussions and everyday collaboration.

What motivates difficult people? To win. And in order for them to win, people around them have to lose. Whether the stakes are high or the topic is mundane, difficult people are obsessed at being right and proving others wrong.

Next: A manager's perspective

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